Operation Birdwatch
by batchink
Summary: Dick finally gets the chance to take Barbara out for a nice, private date on Valentine's Day. The team, however, has other ideas. Too bad they forgot that bats can't be out-trolled.


_A/N: Written as a present in a YJ fic exchange. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! c:_

"Artemis," M'gann whispered, nervously looking around as they crouched down behind a potted plant. "I'm not sure if this is the best idea."

Artemis shushed her partner-in-crime with a dismissive flap of her hand, peering through the foliage and scanning the food court of Gotham's main shopping mall with sharp eyes.

"It's fine. Don't worry," she said briskly, a grin creeping up her face as she finally spotted her target. An uncharacteristically (uncharacteristic for this side of him, anyway) tousled mop of black hair and a bright shock of red caught her attention, and Artemis frantically tugged at M'gann's arm. "Look! See, it's them!"

Resigning herself to her fate, M'gann looked around the corner and saw one Dick Grayson, pulling out a chair from a table and sheepishly offering it to his female companion.

"Awww, they're so cuuute," M'gann squealed, gushing over how adorably nervous Dick looked.

"Yeah, yeah, cute, whatever. This is _blackmail_ material, my Martian friend. Watch and learn." Artemis whipped out a camera from her handbag and snapped a quick picture, darting back behind the bush when Dick looked over with a slight frown on his face.

M'gann blinked as Artemis whipped her head around to face her, long ponytail almost blowing their cover as it caught in the branches. While disentangling her hair with a scowl, Artemis looked up at M'gann with narrowed eyes. "Your date with Conner's not until six, right?"

A few months ago, her question would've been tinged with jealousy and bitterness. The archer's feelings towards her friend's relationship with the clone had since mellowed out to slight amusement and, Artemis suspected, a couple of cavities.

M'gann smiled shyly and nodded.

"He's taking me out to dinner and The Vow," she sighed dreamily, and Artemis found herself smiling despite herself.

"Impressive, Conner," she chuckled, and turned back to look through the bushes.

Barbara Gordon had always been on Artemis' list of approved people. She was down-to-earth and sweet, albeit much more sarcastic than, say, M'gann. Being Batgirl certainly improved Artemis' opinion of her as well. Though she and Barbara weren't exactly the best of friends, they got along fairly well and found companionship in being scholarship students.

Knowing Dick's identity (and infatuation), of course, made Barbara's scholarship a hundred times more amusing.

Currently, the Boy Wonder was chatting animatedly about something with Barbara, identical smiles on their faces. Obviously, nervousness didn't sit well with him. Artemis thought she caught the words "Alfred" and "aster," if her lip-reading skills didn't fail her, and wondered how the _hell_ Barbara put up with the little troll.

"Umm…Artemis?" M'gann asked, and Artemis waved her away once again as she saw the couple at the table start to play footsie. Her cheap camera zoomed in and out, trying to get decent focus on the uncannily intense game. God, this was almost as bad as M'gann and Conner—maybe even_worse_. At least Conner didn't blush.

"No, um, Artemis, this is kind of—"

"Shh! I'm gathering blackmail material, M'gann!"

"Hey! You can't do that! He's my blackmail buddy!"

Artemis finally turned around at the sound of an all-too-familiar (and annoying) voice, mouth falling open at the sight of Wally West holding a camera and glaring at her indignantly. The glare and the indignity weren't anything new, but—

"What are _you_ doing here?" they barked at each other, angrily jabbing fingers. Wally's small entourage—Conner, Kaldur, and Roy—shuffled off to the side to join M'gann as the two started up one of their infamous arguments.

Roy's face twisted into a mixture of confusion, amusement, and annoyance.

"Are…they always like this?" he asked, watching as the argument degenerated into name-calling. Kaldur let out a long-suffering sigh.

"I am afraid so, my friend." Amusement won out and Roy cast his Atlantean friend a sidelong glance.

"_Just_ your friend?" he taunted, leaning in and enjoying the subtle flush that crawled past Kaldur's scarf and onto his cheeks.

"Aww," M'gann said, already tightly gripping Conner's hand, and the two boys immediately broke apart as the super smirked at them knowingly.

"Hate to ruin your moment, but um—Dick left," M'gann said.

"What?" Wally and Artemis stopped their argument as they heard M'gann's comment, scanning the food court to find that the couple had indeed disappeared.

"Ugh, this is all _your_ fault, Baywatch!" Artemis snapped, already storming off towards the general direction of the arcades. Knowing Dick, he'd take poor Barbara to a place like that even on Valentine's Day.

"M—_my_ fault? How is this _my_ fault? If you hadn't tried to steal my blackmail buddy, I'd already have fifty pictures of Dickiebird smooching up Barbara!" Wally complained, hand tightly closing on her wrist and yanking her in the opposite direction. "And don't head towards the arcades! Give Dick some credit! _I_taught him!"

The two continued on their way, still bickering like an old married couple. A volatile and terrifying old married couple that left a path of destruction behind them, that is.

"Ahh, young love," M'gann gushed, tugging Conner and subsequently, Roy and Kaldur, after Artemis and Wally.

—

Two hours later, the team (with Roy in Dick's usual place) found themselves awkwardly perched in the boughs of an enormous tree located in Gotham City Central Park. Having successfully scared off all the romantic couples there, they camped themselves out and proceeded with Operation Birdwatch as Dick pushed Barbara on the swings below.

(Operation Birdwatch had been selected when everyone rejected Wally's suggestion of Operation Capture the Dick.)

"Ugh—get your elbow out of my face, Wally! I can't aim the camera!"

"Good! I'm his best friend so I get the blackmail!"

On a slightly calmer section of the tree, Roy was murmuring softly to Kaldur, the wickedness of his smile directly correlated to the embarrassment of his _friend's_ expression. M'gann was nearly asleep, nestled against Conner's chest with contentment. Valentine's Day was wonderful for a telepath like her—though she never pried about individual thoughts, she could sense all the affection and love in the air. Even Artemis and Wally's arguments were tempered with an undercurrent of something more, passion and happiness and amusement.

That, of course, was nothing new.

The Martian yawned as she strained to hear the conversation on the swingset. Brief snatches of sound floated up to her ears.

"This entire time?"

"Yeah, they really—"

"That's so funny, Dick, that is just—"

"Ha, my friends are kinda—"

…wait.

M'gann quickly turned to look up at Conner, who had obviously realized the same thing if his startled gaze was anything to go by.

"Uhh…Artemis? Wally?" she cautioned, leaning across her boyfriend (and honestly quite amused at the slight hitch in his breath) to look at the two stalkers. Er, friends. "I think Dick—"

"Guys, I've known you were following us since you got here. You're so not discreet. Really creet, actually," an unmistakably smug voice drifted up, and M'gann cringed.

Dick Grayson and Barbara Gordon were standing at the base of the tree, the former with crossed arms and twinkling blue eyes, the latter with a soft smile and chirping laugh.

"…uhh. H—hey there, buddy!" Wally said with a strained smile, following a mildly annoyed Artemis down from the branches. He swung an arm around his best friend. "How's your little cru—"

"Dude. If you finish that sentence while Barbara is still standing next to me, I'll punch you," Dick said calmly, pushing Wally's arm off his shoulder with a Batglare. Barbara smothered another chorus of laughter.

"Barbara, this is Wally. He's stupid and eats a lot," Dick snickered, ignoring Wally's noise of indignation.

"Oh, yeah! Artemis told me a lot about you!" she said with an overabundance of cheer.

Wally blinked, immediately caught off guard.

"Wh—wait, she whuh—"

"Nooo, th—that's good, hi Barbara, hi Dick, I think we'll be going now—" Artemis suddenly rambled nervously, voice almost cracking, giving them a forced smile that practically screamed "I-will-gut-you-later" as she pushed Wally away.

Dick and Barbara exchanged secret high-fives as he slipped two camera memory cards into his pocket.

"So, Barbara—" Dick began, jumping up on the lower branches with athletic grace. She followed with almost equally elegant skill, jumping from branch to branch as they made their way up.

"Mhmm?"

"This is Conner and M'gann. He likes smashing things and she likes cookies." Conner grunted and M'gann waved, the latter pleased to meet another girl in the superhero community.

Barbara waved back.

"I hear you gave Artemis cavities."

M'gann blinked, tilting her head.

"…did I put too much sugar in the cookies?" she asked, brow furrowing. Barbara grinned and didn't respond, her date secretly pleased at how much of an enigmatic and batlike troll she was being.

Dick leapt onto the next branch, swinging like a monkey—to the consternation of Conner—over to Roy and Kaldur, the two separating from their secretive huddle with almost guilty expressions.

He presented the two to Barbara with his best shit-eating grin.

"Kaldur the fish boy and Roy the killjoy. Cute, aren't they?"

Roy glared daggers at Dick as Kaldur extended his hand, no longer mindful of his webbed fingers.

"It is an honor to meet you, Barbara. You must be blessed with great deals of patience to be dating Dick."

"H—hey!" Dick cried, feigning hurt as he looked at Kaldur with a wounded expression. Barbara let out an unladylike snicker and shook the Atlantean's hand. Roy smirked.

"Got sarcasm from me."

"Sure that's not the _only_ thing—"

"Dick," Barbara cautioned, and Dick smiled sheepishly.

"Heh. Sorry?"

She lifted an eyebrow and he broke.

"Okay, okay. I—I'll take you somewhere nice for dinner. There's a new Italian place on forty-second street," he finished, hopeful. She nodded in approval.

"You're learning," she teased, jumping off the branch and already running towards the mall.

There was a moment of silence in the tree as Kaldur and Roy looked at Dick with unabashed humor.

"…shut up," the boy mumbled, and he was _so_ not pouting.

"We didn't say anything, bro," Roy grinned, and Dick pulled a face before swinging away.

"Use protection!" he called back, running after his girlfriend.

"You too!" Roy yelled, enjoying the stumble in Dick's step. Kaldur was smiling faintly, a much too rare occurrence.

"Do you plan to follow through with his advice, my friend?" he asked quietly, smiling at Roy.

The archer didn't even bother answering and grinned back instead.

—

"Wai—mmf—Wally?" Artemis asked, breath coming in gasps as he kissed down the column of her neck.

"Hmm?" he asked, lips vibrating against her tanned skin.

"I—I thi—ah—think we're for—nngh—getting something," she finally got out, sinking into a sitting position against the rough bark of the tree. Sunlight filtered in through the leaves, leaving flecks of gold in Wally's green eyes as he pulled away.

"Can't imagine what," he grinned flippantly, hands braced on the wide trunk.

"I—oh, dammit! I'm going to kill Grayson!" Artemis suddenly groaned, slamming her palm into her forehead.

Wally blinked, leaning back.

"Oh yeah."

"…gotta thank him later." He silenced her with more kisses.

From behind a line of bushes, Barbara gave Dick another high five before plucking the camera out of his hands and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Boy Wonder."


End file.
